Angry?! Sad?! or get hurt??!!

This morning i nearly couldnt wake up to go church again..coz last night i sleep late..hehe but thanx God in the end i still forced myself to wake up to go church...hehe...well, today the preaching of the pastor is very meaningful even though the title abit...arhh.."Obeying God when comes to life's end".. I enjoyed the "talk" even though i was a bit sleepy at that time also..but i still get the messages..
After church, i went to Giant nearby church for some grocery shopping..then came home...take a nap coz i was really tired that time...then after lunch i went to work as usual...
Well, my main topic..what it means?? today 4pm, as agreed by boss.."meeting" to talk about the agreement n other things..finally today can make it...but it ended up very badly and i feel sad n hurt..why?

Story begins...we started discussing about the agreement..and it went well...but when come to the next things...the consultant asked..what i want to ask..so..
i said..how's my salary?? is there any increment of my salary?? then boss handed a list to that consultant then the consultant asked me...why recently so many of my students drop out (means that stop learning)...i answered..how do i know? as i know, some becoz they go for further studies and some becoz busy wif school works..etc etc la..
then he said: "we actually received many complains from parents that I always scold their child/ children and some even went home crying dunwan to come" I actually knew abt the complains but not to the account of all drop out students are of that reasons that becoz i scolded them...so im trying to make a clearance that i did scold student but of course i scold for a reason (eg: dun listen what i said..giving so many chances still dint do..of course get scolded so that u really take it seriously) impossible i simply scold student juz becoz i dun like them ma..come on..im human also..if u get scolded surely there are some reasons..but they do not accept my reasons and keep "counsel" me and lecture me but i keep fight back for my own reasons..
then i said why u dont trust what i said..u rather trust those nonsense parents and students..who knows they r juz creating reasons to blame teacher for being not teaching their child well instead of actually becoz their own child has no interest or concentration in learning... Then boss said: got prove..everyone hear me scold /shout at students very loud..i said that was becoz my voice loud cannot blame me..if u talk so soft..who listen oo...haizzzz....
Then suddenly i was really not happy and angry..i said..ok tell me which students that quit learning becoz i scolded them..then boss very fast said..ok "tan wei shan is the 1" straighaway i said "omg, that 1 u know 1 a..she quit becoz the mom said u dint managed to enrol her for theory exam during august..that's not my fault..is ur management problem" Then she said.."no..the mom also said u (me) scold her daughther and she went home cry.."
i was like..omg, i dint even scold her lor..im juz strict to her..wana her improved in her technical skills lor..well, this make me think that boss juz trying to blame me instead of admitting that her own management problems..then juz that 1 name out ady i was so angry wif it..then the consultant straighaway said..ok..we dun count on it..i was like...so obvious liaw..they'r trying to blame me..wan me to admit those r my faults...
then i juz said.."what can u said there r also lots of students enjoy my class, i also produced many good results students..(even got distinction in theory as well as merit in practical exam for higher grade ler)..what can u comment??" then they were speechless for a while but straighaway the consultant change topic and said "can u dun scold students or lowered ur voice in teaching"

Overall, they r trying to blame me that i make them lose "business" coz of those drop out..but my students each months still abt 29-34 students are..average amount each months..i also got accepted new students ah..I said "why want to blame me..it's not my fault" The consultant answered "I dint SAY we blame you and dint say it's ur fault..we are juz sharing wif u"..In my heart i was thinking "yea right, i dint SAY it but in all ur conversations u meant it"
The conversation went on very "wild" later on means that we actually argued very loud liaw..and I said..just becoz of dropping out students so u dont want to increase my pay? the consultant emphasize again "I dint SAY that we dont want to increase becoz of dropping students" OMG, I was like..u dun need to SAY it..but u meant it already coz he kept saying, based on ur students bla bla bla bla...so it's hard for us to increase for u..i was like "damn la..since august u already increase the students' fee about 10% but my salary totally no increase..not even a cent..
Then i just spilled out that it's not fair to me..i put so much effort on teaching and i teach so many students as compared to other fulltime teachers why am i so "stressful" and others can just "hanging leg" there...teach so little students and get almost the same paid..then i said it's not fair to me..and since he wan to make "comparison" then i juz said..why the other teacher (also full time) can so enjoy working, everyday online and playing games there eventhough she was asked to do admin work..but whole company knows that she dint do anything (as people always said..just a vase there)..juz sit there..teaching also can walk in n out the room pretending that she's doing admin job..what a "beautiful QUEEN" Then the consultant finally said out "this is my business..i want to hire who for what pay is my business..you (me) cannot compare yourself to others coz this is what you agree when u come for interview etc etc" I was like..everyone knows u juz know how to cheat people la..especially when i just started to work with them..of course they take advantage of me
i said..ok..wat we agreed..let me said about this.."I never agree to teach violin but u still throw those violin students to me..and i also put that effort to teach them well" boss said..is an experience for u..I said "yes, but now i got experience liaw, so should i get better pay?" They said "you never bring this out"..i was like..should u be aware of urself..this is what u supposed to do..not i need to asked for it..sounding like i wan $$$ more than your job"
Then, we argued till over time liaw..my students supposed to have lesson at 4.40pm and i looked at my watch already 4.50pm...i think that this "meeting" wont have a good ending so..i juz take my bag and said "if u think that im losing ur business then u can just let me go (fired me)...find another teacher to replace me" and i emphasize "I am serious"..then the consultant said "we wont fired people..I am serious also"..then i was juz angry and dont want to waste my time to argue there..so i just straighaway stand up and walked away and said "I got student to teach now, I would talk to you later again" and walked out from the room and teach my student..

Thanks God that eventhough i was really bad mood that time but i still manage to control my mood coz that student has no piano at home and also like to simply play..i juz no energy to say so much, juz say read properly and count correctly etc...then the next violin student lucky also ok ok and not so hard to teach...but i was glad that the last student always will say thank Q to me, he makes me think that still got ppl appreciated my teaching since those boss and consultant keep saying i need to change my teaching style..well, i would not change becoz of their nonsense..

So, i finished my teaching, i went out from my room to the counter, put back my file then i just walked away without saying anything coz i just dont want to face them at that moment..
As i drive home, i really feel "hurt" in my heart..thinking of what that consultant why they dun see they good things of me and keep saying what's bad..all this will really make me fed up in teaching, losing interest in this field..please.."Jessica...you cannot let them affected ur interest and love in music"
I reached home..still feel not satisfy and i was thinking of sms my boss to apologize but i think of it..NO..i cant do that coz if i did that surely they think i admitted everything is my fault..no...i still want to "fight" with them..well, eventhough i already make up my mind to resign end of the year but i still wan them to know..it's ur loss if u still dunno how to appreciate everything that i do! Anyway, i cried out in the end as i shared this to a friend through MSN coz i really couldnt control my emotion anymore..and i prayed to God that..please forgive what I have done and i knew that i said alot of "wrong things" and being not respective to boss n the consultant
After crying out then i felt slightly better and told myself as the friend told me..dun angry and sad becoz of those stupid and nonsense people..she was right..OK, i wont liaw..thanx leandra for the chat and comfort n encouragement..no matter how they want to "attack" me after this..i must stand strong till end of the year...coz i still think that there are students respect and enjoy learning under me...that's enough..that's only thing i want..i dont need boss appreciation anymore..and i dont care i have gave them bad impression...as long as God's know what I do..

aih..i think this blog is too long liaw..i should end here la..hopefully who read this will not feel bored of my complains and do give me some suggestions if i need any improvement..welcome to critize coz i really need more advise...so that i know how to improve myself in the world of working life..mayb i juz dunno how to handle it well..i hope this bad experience or situation wont repeat again later in my life..eventhough i understand that working life is always like that..but please..i dunwan to face this kind of nonsense boss liaw..at least reasonable abit..and be professional a bit..i need improvement..dun make me downgrade...

well..to be continue if there's something missed out...enjoy ;p